The relationship between what exists of the unseen
and the images that are created in one's mind
the like and dislike-ness of an image; the obscure, the observance,
the 'is' and 'isn't' between the possibilities of an image
how an image's "reality" is forced elsewhere, for psychological means.
Distant memories. Anti-photography as a kind of "what if"?

Friday, February 25, 2011

What we want before

... is never what we really need.

While I was surfing through the internet today, I came across tumblr tags for my college school. And since it's near the start of another school year, it's not surprising that the hash tag would be peppered with "i passed!", "got in!" & "no longer wait-listed! yes!" posts. I vividly remembered how it was for me when I applied.

I only took tests from three of the top schools. I thought I did well enough for all 3 of them so it came as a surprise that I never got in to any of the 3. I immediately felt crushed and panicked because I didn't really think of any other school to apply to, that was how confident I was that I'll get in on either 3. I mulled over this, felt anxious that I might not get in a good enough school that all my choices have turned me down already and dejectedly agreed to go with my mom to CSB's campus. It wasn't as recognized as an art school before although it was already in the precipice of being acknowledged as such (maybe that's why my mom urged me to go there in the first place, she knew I'd fit right in, I just didn't know it yet).

I was interested in writing back then. I participated in essay writing contests and wrote poems on a regular basis. So I was hoping to get into a journalism course. Imagine how lost I felt when I was standing in front of the school's office, studying the pamphlet and saw there was no writing course and the only other course that I could remotely relate to was a course I haven't heard of before. I cried right then and there. Ashamed that I'm applying at the tapunan school because I didn't pass anywhere else. My mom told me I'd be better off to take MMA (Multimedia Arts). After reading the description and telling myself I could always transfer after my 1st year if I didn't really like the course, I filled out an application and took my mom's advice.

Little did I know, getting rejected by the top 3 schools in the country was a blessing in disguise.

I blossomed under CSB. I was exposed to a lot of stuff and easily found out that MMA was the perfect course for me. I liked tinkering with Diaryland in High school so studying Web design and getting great feedback from my professors encouraged me to pursue designing for web. Not long after, I found out I didn't suck at making posters and digital design too. I pretty much hit the jackpot learning about design and art and having fun while doing so.

By the time I got my first job 2 months before I officially graduated, I couldn't imagine earning a living doing anything else.  I tried to picture myself graduating as a journalist and wondered where would I go. I would definitely be hired as an associate or assistant of someone for a newspaper, magazine or tv station and would have to work my way up the social/work ladder. Being a graduate of MMA, I was able to join a small firm with bosses who gave me creative freedom to do anything I deemed the job entails and having supportive colleagues who helped me enhance my skills even more.

I love my life right now. Standing here, recently stepped up on the corporate ladder working my 2nd job and feeling blessed.

The only thing I regret about my college experience is that I initially thought low of CSB and that I wasn't open enough to the idea of studying there on my first year. I am forever grateful for the 3 schools for turning their back to me because it opened my eyes that I can be so much more. That there's more I can do when words are coupled with strong images and graphics.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Two months

It's been two months since the start of 2011. Last year I was steadfast in my resolve of starting over for the new year. Revisiting my design roots and bringing back my creative juices and ditch the corporate world. I was looking forward to the new shift, excited even that I would be back to where I was before I accepted this job. But, as all else in this world, it seems like the most perfect laid out plans don't always go as you've hoped it would.

It's been two months since I got the most unexpected news in my career.
I got promoted.

After a whirlwind of certification exams of speculations after receiving 'test' projects and of days filled with what-will-i-do-if-i-get-it, I was promoted as a senior designer for the team in the company I work for.

I was shell-shocked. I didn't know whether I should accept it then leave as originally planned. Or to accept it and stay. Or to just flat out deny it and proceed as if nothing happened. After mulling this over for over 2 weeks, I've come to terms with how I would deal with this. I accepted the promotion and decided to stay.

I know what you're thinking - What the hell happened? I was in denial at first. At first, I was telling everybody I got the job because it was a challenge I wanted to undertake and that I wasn't ready to go anyway. It was too hard to look for that dream job I wanted.

All bullshit - when I've finally admitted to myself why I said yes in the first place. I decided to stay only because of the money. Hell yes! It wasn't as if I could pick up the new raise in any other job I would be applying for. At best, I would go back to the starting rate which is hard to get by on, especially if you're saving up for one of the biggest phases in your life.

I still don't know to this day if this was the best decision ever. I have a year to let pass by to assess things but until then...

Hello again Corporate World, am I really that hard to let go of?


In other news
(1) my pet rabbit has grown into monstrous proportions. well  - kind of. I tell you, he's HUGE now!
(2) I decided that the previous design for this blog was too green for my tastes but I am too lazy to be bothered to create a new one so I just tweaked it to let a lot more pink in. Let's see how this one lasts.
(3) I finally got around to getting a planner for this year. So far though, I haven't been using it the way I want to. I want to make it a capsule of the day that went by. But right now it's what it's supposed to be. A planner for the day/month/year. New goal: get to treating it as a day capsule... starting... uh, next week!