The relationship between what exists of the unseen
and the images that are created in one's mind
the like and dislike-ness of an image; the obscure, the observance,
the 'is' and 'isn't' between the possibilities of an image
how an image's "reality" is forced elsewhere, for psychological means.
Distant memories. Anti-photography as a kind of "what if"?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Bucket lists are really for the incorrigible

In the middle of the year 2010, Lai spent time to review her life as it is and concluded that she needed to get back to her artistic roots and put an end to her un-inspired stump. So she then made an infamous "Things to do to get out of a rut" list and promised herself to complete this by the end of the year.

She set out to do everything on her list immediately. Buying 2 blank notebooks to serve as journals, splurging on a blank mini book and colored pencils to do her drawn polaroid doodles 2.0 (yes, colored! as opposed to just in blank ink) and set up her computer to collect all the works to feature in the new portfolio.

In the span of 3 months, she was able to organize her camera shelf (admittedly this one was easy as a breeze), update her online portfolio, started receiving freelance works, update drawn polaroids tumblr once and write on her journal more or less every day.

If only the year ended at 3 months then she would have been a happy camper. But as all her famous lists goes (sic: Things to do in college, Things to do after college, Things to do on my first job, Things to do to pick up from first job, Things to do to get out of second job, etc) this one, also, did not get the satisfaction of being used - crossed out till the end. 

What list, pray tell, would be subject to the same fate as the ones before us have endured? Will there be an end to the embarrassing show of failure?

I have always wondered how my life narrator would sound like. I imagined the above paragraphs were lent the voice of the narrator for Pushing Daisies, which sadly, got cut off before it even took off here in the Phils. That narrator always got a chuckle out of me as he always found a way to make a downer seem not so bad after all. Which is the case of my failed "Things to do to get out of a rut" list. It's exactly 24 days till the end of the year and I haven't accomplished (by that I mean truly finished, not just started and then let go in the middle of doing so) anything from that list. Although my half of year wasn't exactly put to waste... I -
  • spent an amount of time and money on researching for and getting healthier skin care products
  • spent an even greater treasure for a handful of Impossible Project films that are hard to come by
  • went ahead and got my parent's permission to get hitched in the next 1-2 years
  • shone brightly at work. A big recognition, even if I belittle it
  • forged somewhat meaningful relationships on my fiance's circle of friends
  • encouraged my entrepreneur friends to go for gold and helped them whichever way I can
  • have insightful and moral support for my fiance's career shift

It got me to thinking that I really do not need a list of things to accomplish for next year. Lists just presents me with the undeniable feeling of incompleteness when my self imposed deadline is looming ahead and I still have a lot of uncrossed out lines to do. And somehow, knowing that I have a list makes me not want to do it more. Which I know sounds crazy but then again it does make perfect sense because I never really was the type of person to let herself be held down by constraints and limits. I should just go with what needs to happen.

Sometimes, you do not know what you really need to do right at this moment but when you get there, you always have to put your foot forward and do the best that you can do to accomplish what is expected of you.


  1. maybe i should do that too. time to organize, 2011 is coming! welcome to blogging world!

  2. Thank you for welcoming me Ladawan :) Actually, a welcome back feels more appropriate as I have stopped blogging for 3 years or so :) haha!

    And yes, 2011 is coming! But I chose not to make a list for next year though, I would just go where it needs to take me