The relationship between what exists of the unseen
and the images that are created in one's mind
the like and dislike-ness of an image; the obscure, the observance,
the 'is' and 'isn't' between the possibilities of an image
how an image's "reality" is forced elsewhere, for psychological means.
Distant memories. Anti-photography as a kind of "what if"?

Monday, December 13, 2010

Christmas realization

I haven't been an avid simbang gabi goer. never was for the wrong reasons: (a) cannot wake up in the middle of the night to haul my ass to church, (b) do not want to deal with the crowd so early in the morning and (c) I am so not a morning person.

But now that I did want to attend the simbang gabi and complete it till christmas, to give thanks to the Lord for all the blessings He has given me and to recognize and truthfully celebrate christmas as Christ's birth, I cannot. My days are nights and I will not be able to get off from work in time for the misa. To make up for it, I tried to go to the anticipated simbang gabi masses, but never do wake up early enough for it as my sleeping schedule is wonky enough as it is plus add the fact that we've been busy the past few weeks so aside from having crazy sleep schedules, I have to make do with having too little time to sleep due to the overtime hours.

This is the last straw. I cannot let my work get in the way of living my life how I want it. It has always hindered me. Always made me feel that I was giving in to be a corporate slave just so I will have enough money to go around. I'm a big spender, a self-confessed but closet shopaholic and cannot live a week without buying something. This I got to change. I have to give up being selfish about the material things so I can do myself a favor and bring something positive in my life, an investment for the future.

Although, it will be hard to let go of such a wonderful bunch of colleagues, people whom always makes my work easier with all the laughter shared, the friendships forged where you can openly confide and receive genuine care and sympathy for your woes. But these I have to sacrifice to make the necessary life improvements.

I realize, I've been posting a lot of serious and heart felt posts these days. My hormones have gotten the best of me. And December is usually the time in our lives to reflect on the year that has passed, this alone merits all the Lifetime Network-ish posts I've been putting up lately. It amuses me that when you read through my blog when I started to open it last week, you'll never really connect it to the person I am in real life. I've never really been that kind of a blogger, but I guess part of me secretly rejoiced in the sudden impulse to blog again. Joyed to be able to pen feelings again, to let it all hang out and not brush it off.

Here's to ending the year with a better understanding of myself.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Lai, just like you, I'm not really an avid simbang gabi goer for the same reasons however, I also hope to try my best to complete it this year. Anyway, good luck! I hope you'd complete the simbang gabi this year. :)